I believe the following are my most successful pieces from the semester:

"Remain" 32x48 oil on MDF board

"How many ways might we know Thee" oil and oilstick on birch ply 39x48

"As many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death II" oil and oilstick on masonite 24x48

"WE are called to that State in which such experiences are possible" oil and oilstick on birch ply 39x48

Reflections

I feel blessed.  I had a simple process.  I would sit and wait in the manner of Friends for the Lord to present a prospect to my mind.  And if such an image or word was stirred up within me so that I might feel compelled to rise and paint, then I would.  I did choose the process, but beyond that my creativity was removed from the paintings (so far as I was able).  I did not sign the works, and if I do it will only be on the back with a clause before my name, which clarifies I was the hand only. 

I cannot tell you how liberating it is to step back from a support and see a work and feel awestruck by its beauty without the guilt of feeling conceited.  I was never trained to paint abstractions.  I never took a class in drawing stretched-out distorted figures or Warhol-esq splatter-field paintings.  Each painting has had the joy of a new medium, an innocence, a freshness, an unknown, and a surprise. That is not to say I think all of the paintings were perfect—some were more successful than others—but rather that the process of making each of these paintings fed me, even if I failed to allow that power to be accessible to others.  The process of making these paintings moved me forward in my relationship with God.  The paintings force me to Trust God, and called me into Holy Surrender, and by the glory of God maybe some day I will Remain.

Usually when God presents me with an image to paint he throws it at me suddenly and all at once: all of the color, the composition resolved, and with the meaning fleshed out.  To visually enable a viewer to see literally what I have seen within my head is one thing, difficult but possible, but for me to show a viewer that same image and have them walk away with the same understanding is very unlikely if possible at all.  If we accept this juxtaposition as fact then we are left with several questions rattling around in our head. Does God want me to give priority to the image or the meaning?  Am I supposed to blend the two?  Should I simply paint the image as it was given to me and trust that God will guide other viewers to draw out the meaning?  Does the viewer need the meaning to truly understand the vision behind the painting?  Or is the meaning the only significant part of the vision?  Does God trust me to craft an image, which will be accessible to my culture?

I was an idealist when I started and I struck a middle ground with my proposal.  I said, “To paint this experience in a way that honestly represents my memory of the event while simultaneously making the significance of the event accessible to other viewers, I will need to balance visual realism with emotional realism.”  The simplicity is beautiful; but more is possible.  If we listen, and if we take time (which ultimately we can) God will guide us.  Literally speaking, I don’t believe that God cares whether we step forward with our right foot or our left, but if we listen He will give us direction.  For if we learn to hear His Will even while we do small things then how much easier will it be to Hear Him when it matters?  The act of painting can be as plain and trivial as walking, but if we let God guide our brushes, oh what marvelous meaning he will give to our marks!

So yes, painting an experience in a way, which honestly represents my memory of the event, while simultaneously making the significance of the event accessible to other viewers, does requires changing the original vision.  My error, accordingly, was in assuming that I should then take control and make decisions while the original creator was sitting right next to me.  This is the problem with our egos.  Our desire for control has been imbedded in human history for eons and lies at the root of our struggles with God.  I believe that “Adam” and “Eve” fled the Garden of Eden when they realized that they were completely dependant on God while they were there, that they had no control.  In fact, their lust for control was so great that they built a wall around the place to make sure they would never accidentally stumble back into such a state of Devine dependence. They said they would rather chose to farm and tend sheep, rather then allow God to provide everything for them even as he does for the fowl of the air and the lilies of the field (Mt 6:24-34).  And painting is no different.  I work in oils because the pigments are constant and the fixative is forgiving, I do not even want to share control with the medium.

While I was working on the final I realized that painting had became one of my primary disciplines.  I have learned more about God and my relationship to Him by painting this last semester than I did by any means in the previous year.  Painting calls me to Surrender and when have—when I am with God—painting coos to me and tells me to stay.  Painting has shown me that a deep, attentive, and worshipful relationship with God is not mutually exclusive with action.  We can talk to people, or cross traffic or ride a bike while Surrendered, but it is harder than Surrendering alone in silence.  Painting provides me with a safe place to practice listening to God while I move.  I am grateful for this semester.

 

Peace and Love,

Colin Bussiere-Nichols

final series of three: DONE

Here are the final three, each shown separately.  A photo of the three in a series is shown in the post above.

  

"Trust" 32x48 oil on MDF board

"Surrender" 32x48 oil on MDF board

"Remain" 32x48 oil on MDF board

final series of three (no quite done)

This is still a work in progress. But this is what has happened so far. I prepared three supports each 32x48 in. tempered MDF board. I sat before them in waiting worship. I thought about my proposal, which suggested that these pieces would follow my previous works by calling viewers into deeper relationships with God. Rather suddenly (as is often the case for me) it came upon me that the panel on the far left should say, “Trust,” the middle “Surrender,” and the right hand one “Remain”. I got a pencil and did this. You will notice that the first four lines on each panel run in a series from one painting to the next: ‘God knocks,’ ‘we answer,’ ‘commune together,’ etc. The quotes and statements, which follow those lines, are elaborations upon the unifying theme for the paintings: ‘Fear not’ extrapolates upon the concept of trust or at least offers us a quality of trust.


Trust
God knocks
God is always present
Believe that God has hour best
interest in mind
Fear not.
God does not want to be feared
Rather fear stands as an impasse before
faith (that is to say trust). (A leader who is
feared may be obeyed but they are no
respected). If I believe that God is ever present,
if I believe that God cares for me then fear of
suffering and sorrow reflects a lack of my faith
that “thou art with me” even in those moments when all
evil might face me. Though the flesh might be
beaten from my bones “ thou art with me” giving
meaning to my life in the face of all evil and
harm

surrender
we answer
we knock
turn over control of our
actions
to God
Smile! For we are Called
To a most joyous surrender
death of our will, which is apart from that of God, does not mark
loss of self, but rather a destruction
of all that which stood in the way of
us being who we really are
Beyond all the money and fear
we are all immeasurably beautiful, it
is this self, which God strives to
release
[written up the left side of this panel]
Ok, yes, Luther, by faith alone, but only if you concede that faith, which does not result in works, is not faith but a lie.


Remain
Commune together
He answers
help Him continue to dictate
our actions
“In the Light which reveals
all of this, Stand, neither
go to the right hand, nor
the left (Joshua [hb= the Lord is Salvation,
Gr. = Iesous -> En. = Jesus] 1:7)
What a blessing we have
that God is ever present
eternally yearning for our
return if we leave

Shortly after writing the ‘titles’ on the panels (“Surrender” etc.) I started getting images in my head of a series of corresponding images, which clarified or solidified between Trust and Remain. At this point I again reentered a space of waiting worship. BAM! I fell out of my seat (partially literally) and looking in the direction of the sound I saw a whitish pigeon falling away from my window. The pigeon being a city bird it left an oily print of itself on the glass, and I being and artist began to draw. From the contours of the squished bird arose another opening.
God becomes increasingly tangible as our awareness and relation ship to him grows.
Even at the point of Trusting God- God remains incredibly abstract, despite our glimmers of God and passing memories of past encounters.
Though we may have surrendered in the past and danced with God our memory of those encounters could barely hope to do justice to the shadow of those moments much less their reality.
It is this incomplete memory, which calls us home. We are left with a remembrance. There was something special, which cannot be recalled, and yet we have a sense of lacking.
The act of Holly Surrender sends God flooding back into consciousness. His potential is illuminated before us and though we can only imagine permanent residence in this state the reality of that possibility becomes evident and the joyous empowerment of that prospect becomes a lure before us.
Oh, and if we stay, if we let God steer our lives despite all social awkwardness and strife, whether it be physical or financial or otherwise. Oh then we will know God in All Glory—experientially.

I have attempted to show this by turning God into a pigeon (or rather by using that of God, which is ever present in pigeons, to illustrate our relationship to the Divine). The painting of Trust has a very abstracted painting of a pigeon—six lines—and drawn in saturated orange as an expression of hope, which is not necessarily grounded in experience. At the point of Surrender God is real, and the painting needs to reflect that but even when we are with God, God is so much more that I had to keep this pigeon small. I didn’t intend for it to be quite that little but I quite like it now. I consider these two paintings finished, which is always a good time to take some criticism (although I would still love to here that they are perfect). It took me a while to figure out Remain but ever since the eye presented its self it has felt great. The eye isn’t even present in Trust and its only a black dot in Surrender how fitting that Remain might show us all that we have been missing: the dry wrinkled curves of skill surrounding brilliant color. By the way I am not being creative with my color choices. When I started looking for pigeon eyes on the internet I was blown away by how many close up photos there are and then I found out that pigeons eyes are jogged in FFA competitions and the like.



"Trust" 32x48 tempered MDF board "Surrender" 32x48 tempered MDF board
"Remain" 32x48 tempered MDF board

Jacob and the Angel

Ok so here is the completed "Jacob wrestled the Angel of the Lord" oil on masonite 24x36 I believe that it was sufficiently explained before and that the final image was the missing piece save the color of Jacob and the Angel. In romanecs paintings red signifies the Divine and blue signifies the world thus you will see Jesus’ wearing a red undergarment with blue raped about him to signify that he his God clothed in a humanly form. Conveniently those colors also double as the classic signifier, which differentiate wrestling partners.

proposal for second half

I started by painting a spiritual experience, which I called a Baptism. My goal was to translate those moments of inward ecstasy, outwardly with paint. A successful translation would be both honest to my experience, visually and emotionally, and simultaneously accessible and understandable to another viewer.
I do believe that ‘translating’ was where I needed to start. But as I move forward in my efforts to achieve those goals, it became increasingly clear to me that spiritually I was striving for the wrong ends. I started to hear Divine messages, which said things like: do NOT chase the OOO! and AAH! of the Divine, BUT upon seeing such splendors trace them back to their Source and reside there, and Memories of profound immediacy with the Lord serves us only so far as they call us back to NEW INTIMACY. Then I read the words of Quaker authors like Thomas Kelly, 'Continually renewed immediacy not receding memories of Divine Touch lies at the base of religious life'. The path is clear: painting can be a witness, even as it records my inward experiences, however the moment which I most call myself and others back to is not the awesome experience of green men and swords, but the moment just before that, which made such Divine Intimacy possible. For the second half of this semester I am going to do three more fully resolved paintings, which will call people into a place of Holy Surrender and a written reflection. Theological sidetrack/ clarification (hopefully): think of this as Universalist evangelism. God doesn’t care what kind of tool you want to use to dig into the soil of spirituality, at the end of the day God just wants us to all be unrecognizably dirty from digging. I believe that all God wants is for us to come into that relationship which existed before the fall of Adam, where God and people walked hand and hand in the garden, and that God yearns for that relationship so much that he is willing to come to us in what ever form we need to call us into that covenant. If denying the existence of God brings a person into their deepest and most profound relationship with God, then I’m sure God is all about atheism.
I believe that my work thus far shows a clear tilt in this direction already, and that my writing has already said something to this effect. Accordingly, my hope is that I have now more succinctly and clearly stated these intentions.

Week Four

"as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death II" oil and oilstick on masonite 24x48
After take this painting out to photograph last week I saw a number of places, which seriously needed to be revisited. Originally I was excited about exposing some of the support in places but upon reexamination it was clear that that was a bad idea. as you can see my touch up mainly focused on those points.


"how many way might we know Thee" oil and oilstick on birch ply 39x48
I am both attracted to and still afraid of the birch ply. I remember the first time I sat down with a piece I meditated with my eyes shut for a while and when I opened them it was most clear to me that the board was perfect as it was. Who was I to change it. I believe you can see that balance in this painting as well like the ones I did before; I have tried to preserve the grain in places by using broad washes heavily diluted with turpentine. Working with a textural support in a spiritual mindset reiterates the Trust required in the human-God relationship. Even after sitting in awareness of that of God in the support and that of God in the paint and that of God within my self, I still hesitate before I make my first mark. What if I don't make the mark God wants me to make and why does God want me to make that mark any way and is that God who is compelling me and how does this reflect upon my past work and what is the significance of starting a painting for an independent study around a single event if I have know idea what I am doing now in this moment with paint? but I did Trust some how, I had faith and it does relate to my experience and my ongoing dialog concerning it. ain't it amazing


"Jacob wrestled the Angel of the Lord" oil on masonite 24x36
I don't have much to say about this right now. It's a work in progress and it will be a depiction of Jacob wrestling the angle of the Lord in Time Square NY. I was read my journal the other day and I saw a note about this as an idea for an etching, which I never did. part of my larger purpose at that point was to place biblical stories in a contemporary context in order to bring greater meaning to a contemporary audience. I will say more in the weeks to follow.

Week three

"as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death" oil and oilstick on masonite 24x48
This image came out of a worshipful attempt to return to my experience. I didn't know who the figure was in the middle when I painted it, although I am now fairly certain now that it is me. If you read Romans 6:3-5 I believe there is a striking parallel with the symbolism in the painting. "Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. 5If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection." Note the parallels between death and baptism, and unity through resurrection.

"Do NOT chase the OOO! and AAH!" oil and oil stick on masonite 24x 48
I don't nessaraly consider this a painting though it is. Rather, I made this and posted this as an expression of my thought process. The gist of a conversation I had with my father after looking at "as many of us as were baptized..." was do NOT chase the OOO! and AAH! of the Divine, BUT upon seeing such splendors trace them back to their Source and reside there. Magritte notes that miss spellings and backward letter increase emphasis.







"WE are called to that State in which such experiences are posible" oil and oilstick on birch ply 39x48
Considering the previous two paintings and my thought processes surrounding them it would stand that this painting would move in a different direction. Needless to say when, after sitting with the birch ply for some time, I started seeing figures with a striking resemblance to some of my early drawing, I was surprised. I really expected this painting to go visually in a totally new direction; one, which clearly was not a return to my experience. But our ooo and aah experiences of the Divine, much like sacred text, support us insofar as they call us back to that center from whence they came. A more literal expression of my experience accordingly makes sense if it places the emphasis on the figure meditating rather than the looming man with the sword. Thus the use of arrows and words, which brakes all basic rules of composition, rightly create a hyper focal point, and keeps the viewers attention where it belongs. side note, I like how the arrows create more depth in an other wise flattish composition.

letting go, losing fear oil and oil stick on masonite 24x18
I have been looking at Jean Michael Basquiat's brush marks and his use of line he is so bold and fearless is energy is left on the canvass. after my feelings of timidness surrounding my writing of words on "WE are Called to that state", and the one where I wrote word over the sword, it felt quite clear to me that I needed to find a way to loosen up and become more fearless like Basquiat.

I wish to be a flint mapper of Oil paint
to fight the medium
is to fail
or the support
or Source
an absolute removal of self is not required
If we consider that the
Source is God
and
Cod hath made the support
and medium
as well as my had
it is not contradiction that my influence would remain
for (I) as the medium
my action are a prerequisite to any creation at all
(as is the presence of God
and the support
and medium)

this is not a serious painting, as in a painting which follows my themes and purposes for painting in this class. but is was an fundamental stepping stone to get to my next piece.

I've shared a document with you:

"come Here with me, close thy eyes and Trust" oil on birch ply 39x48
where to start. After I put my support up I started writing in graphite on it. Reminder and prayers:
I heard
'How many time must I take you down form that cross
You come to me as a sacrifice
But I made you free

'Continually renewed immediacy
not receding memories of Divine Touch
lies at the base of religious life' TRK

Memories of profound
imediacey of the Lord
serves us only so far
as it calls us back to
NEW INTIMACY

Continuing in the same vain as before I wanted to call people into that space I was in just before I saw the green person with sword. so I centered myself and closed my eyes. this is my attempt to represent what I saw when my eyes were closed.

It was quite hard to photograph. The finished product is quite complex texturally it changes drastically depending on the light which it is shown in. this probably relates to the use of linseed oil in the splattered-then-brushed marks which are very reflective and very in direction depending on the underlie tone.


detail of 'come Here with me'

Objective

Proposal for a four credit painting independent study:
Painting my Baptism: Inward

I am going to start by painting a spiritual experience, which on reflection I would call a Baptism:
On the floor of my parents’ house, I sat cross-legged meditating (facing SW). When I go to a deep place, like I did that day, things get fuzzy first, then they become illuminated, and finally everything comes back into an illuminated focus of sorts (solid objects may waver and colors may change and shimmer) as a great peace settles over me. However, on this occasion after I had been sitting in that deep place for some time a large, maybe armored, translucent green man with a sword rose out of the floor in front of me, raised the sword over his head and brought it down and through me. I was not scared. I sat there calmly as I watch the two halves of me fall away to the sides. In that moment I was released. There was a great settling. I was no longer aware of the green man. My outward shell, my false presentation of myself, was gone. I was starting fresh. I was baptized.
(an aside: I say baptism because, Baptism is an act of cleansing, which allows us to move forward into a new relationship with God. For Quakers the act of Baptism is always an inward one because John the Baptist said, "truly I tell you that I baptize with water but there is one who comes after me who is before me who Baptizes with the Holy spirit and Fire". The parallel between death and Baptism is almost as old as Christianity; Paul said, "don't you know that when you are Baptized unto Christ you are crucified with Him". Significant Quaker and Christians such as John Woolman experienced their moment of turning wholeheartedly to God as a death. Woolman when reflecting on angles he heard singing "John Woolman is Dead" Woolman concluded that it was his will which had died so that Gods could live within him. I light of all of that I have come to treasure this experience as one of many inward Baptisms.)

To paint this experience in a way that honestly represents my memory of the event while simultaneously making the significance of the event accessible to other viewers, I will need to balance visual realism with emotional realism. I believed Edvard Munch achieved this balance in his Golgotha, anxiety, and the Scream as well as William Blake in his The Great Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with Sun (1805), and Ancient of Days. Munch succeeded through his expressionist style while Blake did so with his romantic realism, I plan on striving for some blend of the two. I intend, like Munch, to use unnatural placement of colors and painterly strokes, while, like Blake, maintaining depictions people and objects ‘realist’-enough to ground the viewer.

I will start by doing a number of sketches during which I will explore perspective, color and composition. I will meditate during these early stages to try and revisit the experience. As I currently envision my Baptism experience I see it in three frames, so as part of my preliminary work I need to figure out if it should be condensed to a single picture, or if it should be three separate images and if so how should they be shown together, physically touching, same wall, over, under, side by side, or able to stand on their own, codependent images. I will then move onto a larger painting (maybe 24x36 or 30x48) surface (probably masonite) and attempt a final version. I will do more finished paintings from here maybe of the same subject (depending on whether or not I am satisfied with the end result of the first finished painting). I will complete 140 hours of work over the course of the semester (or whatever is the total requirement for a 4 credit independent study.